Un alt model de scrisoare

din nou mă angajez că voi termina capitolul despre internet în această săptămână și apoi voi scrie ultimul și voi corecta tot blogul repede, dar acum las aici încă un model de scrisoare în limba engleză pe care l-am trimis și îl voi mai trimite, deși ei spun că oamenii au fost toți păcăliți și că eu am fost așa de monstruos chinuită, încât nimeni nu poate crede adevărul și deci oamenii cred că eu aș fi proastă sau aș minți sau că am fost nebună și am inventat tot ce am scris pe blog, sau o parte, când de fapt totul e adevărat și mă puteau accepta și salva.

pentru că alții nu au milă de mine și fiindcă alții nu se interesează să mă ajute, sau chiar îmi fac promisiuni pe care nu le țin, ca și cum aș fi altceva decât sunt, sunt datoare să scriu eu la diverse persoane din țară sau din străinătate. Mesaje în sticle în ocean... Totuși ei zic că e în zadar - de fapt nu se știe - fiindcă toți psihologii și psihiatrii și în general intelectuali din România au mințit despre mine cu scopul de a mă omorî. Păcat, era ceva foarte frumos și bun și eram și inteligentă, dacă ar ști adevărul curat , ar fi imediat adevărul și dreptatea.... fiind ținută singură toată viața de la 13 ani absolut nimeni nu mă știe cum sunt.
Iată din nou un model de scrisoare a mea pentru diverse adrese unde trimit, deși mai am de terminat blogul, dar nu mult și de corectat, totul e corect și adevărat și chiar e esențialul, deși în realitate a fost și mai mult abuz și violență asupra mea, scrisoarea e scrisă mai neglijent, iertați greșelile de gramatică. Eu aș fi făcut acest lucru pentru oricine altcineva aflat în situația mea.

Revered ...X,
I doubt you will be able to read my painful letter, painful from the point of view of one individual – myself – who was continuously imprisoned and tortured since the age of 13 and a half (1984), having a psychiatric history of imprisonment since 1992. Meanwhile, I was able to be a pupil and a student for 23 years with good results and without repeating scholarship years, studying 6 years of psychology and 5 years of medicine, without being able to sustain my master dissertation, because I was rejected by colleagues and told by my teacher that I don’t have the right to study psychology because I was psychiatrically diagnosed with schizophrenia in 1992, when I was in my 2nd year as a student in Bucharest, within the Psychology Faculty at the University. Thus I couldn’t have been endowed with credentials in order to overlook cases of mentally ill patients, because I was enrolled in a master's program for psychotherapy. That was not my goal, I was forced to sustain an entrance exam there, although my interest was high in education or other psychology studies, being by nature fond of theories and less of a practitioner. But, after obtaining my psychology license after 5 years of studies, I could not find a job, seeing that almost all of my colleagues were endowed with different jobs and were able to do something for a living. And in Bucharest, only psychotherapy was available as a master scholarship.

After losing one year of my life like that, I stayed at home with my parents, alone once more. Then I entered medical studies, after 2 failed attempts, the third time, in 1998. I had a suicide attempt at the end of 1998 – my only attempt of that kind – because I was struck with a terrible headache and I believed I would lose my mind and become something evil like the others who followed my steps on the streets telling fantasies and evil things as if they knew me – I truly believed back then that they were totally insane and manipulated by some evil mind, but my headache was horrible and my father refused to take me to the hospital. I lost half of my left leg and luckily enough I was given a prosthetic limb. Then I continued my medical studies, but I was not physically able to go through all of them, and I abandoned my 5th year there.

Luckily enough, after the kind and helpful advice of one of my ex-psychology teachers, I obtained a job as a teacher in one of Bucharest’s high-schools as a psychology and economy teacher – in the social sciences department. But I was rejected and I was pushed outside since I entered there and I was forced to resign in 2006, after 2 years there. Before that, I was a teacher when I was a still a psychology student in the high school where I was once a student and a kind of assistant teacher in a University, but my psychology teacher did not accept me there, simply because I was not good enough in her opinion, and maybe she was right, but she was not right to think that I was mentally ill and prone to be differently treated than other students.

Then, in 2007, when I was 36 I hardly found a job as a librarian at the Academy of Economic Studies in Bucharest, where I was the object of crystal clear abuses and maltreatment and forced to resign at the end of 2007. I took the opportunity to work there because my ex-teachers from the University sent me to a psychiatrist who told me that I am not allowed to do any job, and never a job involving children, because of my psychiatric diagnostic. And she told me to find some job as an isolated person, e.g. librarian or archive worker. Then I could no more find any job, and I tried in vain to be helped by psychology associations or organizations or social integrative resources like the “Motivation” Foundation in Bucharest, where they could not find me a job in more than 2 years.

Anyway, as a whole, it looks like a normal life of an isolated psychiatric patient throughout life stages. You may ask why I am writing to you. Desperate needs of course. I consider my case to be worth the attention of someone good, for a few reasons:

• I was the object of many ethical mistakes by psychologists and psychiatrists. I am counting here a few – one psychologist emitted an official assessment paper about my psyche telling obvious lies and she did not even talk with me, she asked me only one thing – how are my relationship with God and I answered that it is a good one because I see God in natural phenomena in city parks, etc. Nothing else and she invented obvious nonsense about my thinking and talking that would have been impossible without incoherence – and it was obvious that I was never incoherent and vulgar. Every time I was imprisoned in the hospital no one talked with me, no one asked me anything, only one of my psychiatrists treated me as a human being and talked with me, from time to time.
• I was always very poor, ever since I was a child, being almost the poorest in any community of students I was in. Then I suffered from hunger after my father’s death in 2005 and losing my jobs, I had no money for food or clothes for several years and I was forced to beg on the street. I was still able to do some work and I was not old, but I had no social connections at all, apart from my mother. My parents were almost monsters and abused me in adolescence. • I had no sins or mistakes whatsoever – it is the truth, though it seems improbable.
• I was a very kind person, always enraptured with love for life and human beings, taking delight in nature contemplation, helping others, and reading philosophy or art history.
• The most hideous thing is that I was and am totally alone, and I was alone even when I was enrolled in different stages of my life's education. When I was a child I was not forcibly isolated, being raised by my paternal grandmother, because my family knew that my parents were insane. But what I could not realize then was that my father was not my biological father. There were only a few persons talking with me my whole life and among them only a few evil persons who did me wrong. Now it’s been 36 years of isolation and suffering. I was born in 1971.
• I am very eager to be with others, at least to see or hear others talk, I am usually silent, but I desperately need some kind of relationship, but I was rejected even by psychiatric patients’ support groups and psychologists and psychiatrists lied once more about me. Three years ago, when I was 46 years old, one medical doctor – only one judge – wrote that I lost my capacity of work 100% - and I was forced to accept a small pension, but what he did are an abuse and a lie. My family doctor refused since 2007 – when I was 36 – to give me an official paper that I was able to work or to study anything – because she said that the law is like that because I am a psychiatric patient.
• I was poisoned for years and I had proofs about that, but no one talked with me, no one visited me… I might have been considered insane lately because of that. I know that psychiatric patients are sometimes forced to confess that they are poisoned. My only social relationship is my mother, who was my lifetime prosecutor and executioner.

With the hope and that maybe someone will read carefully my plea, I sign here, sending you the address of my blog where I wrote everything about my life, even the most intimate aspects, where you can find links to other blogs or internet pages of mine, because I was forced to do some poetry writing, without being accepted, but winning by chance a contest in Romania. Any kind of advice or help is very welcomed. Many thanks and all my good wishes,

Cristina-Monica Moldoveanu

https://cristina-moldoveanu.blogspot.com/
https://muzelealbe.wordpress.com/blog/