Curs pe Edx partea 26, ... 29

26.What has been helpful in your personal life at times of psychological distress? As you reflect on “counseling at the soul level” are there particular experiences that you recognize in your work? What inspires you to work at a soul level?

Having lived my life somehow at the mercy of others or being excluded, rejected, I will answer both questions, but mostly the first, by imagining that I would be a counselor. Only imagining that I am my own counselor, not pretending in the hard sense of the word. Yet I never wanted to be a counselor, as I said earlier, my calling was to read or write philosophical meanings.

I give again one example of a well-known song lyrics, while knowing that there many others with connected meanings: And if you sing this melody/You'll be pretending just like me/The world is mine, it can be yours, my friend/So why don't you pretend? In times of psychological distress I used to clarify the situation further, I was reluctant to the attitude of pretending, just feeling that the truth is my way or the most comforting and healthy and free way to be. I am aware that my truths cannot solve anyone else's problems, yet I think that they can find a truth of their own that can bring them into the realms of peace and happiness, without causing more distress. It is always said that "the truth will ouch", but it is also said that "only the truth can set you free". The gradual development of the self can bring into light deeper or more meaningful layers of truth, thus the client is not crushed by the limits of different partial screenplays of the reality. I don't believe that the truth is hurtful (if it is the right truth that one can find), because there are many partial answers to one's questions up until "the ultimate meaning in human existence", a thing which rarely needs to be unraveled in order to obtain well-being. Sometimes, it can be so. It is about the client's subjective apprehension of that meaning. What can be much hurtful than the unwanted truth is the doubt that threatens one's psychological foundation. It has been the same with me, especially because of psychiatric treatment when no one talked with me, and thus haunting questions appeared, partly because I was too young, and it was also because of almost complete isolation for many years.

Paraphrasing a third Romanian poet who spoke about a poet's life, I can say that "the client, just like a soldier, doesn't have a personal life." This is a bitter truth and I believe that an empathetic attitude and a person-centered therapy can be of some help maybe, if there is room enough in the client's soul to endure this role-play situation, to accept it with unconditional love and respect, though he does not have a personal life.

I will choose a few key-words about existential givens that helped me at my soul-level through the hardest part of my existence. Peak experiences, rituals, archetypes. The tree of life for example, as a religious and mythical symbol. Sacralized geography - where the deeper layers of connectedness with the greater Self comes into life. When I think about my inner-felt sense I think about water. A fresh and limpid and cold, crystal clear source of water, like the one that was always there in the village of my grandparents. Uphill there were the church and the graveyard. Downhill this wondrous water, which is linked with religious rituals or spiritual observances all over the world. Religiosity does not necessarily mean religion, but an attitude in front of sacredness, moments of joy and love, and understanding a deeper meaning.

I remember from recent years the fact that I discovered on the internet the way that some churches were founded upon other churches' remains and the way religions were continuing through different ages, either by raising above old sacred things, taking their place, or by being encompassed within the greater whole - as it was the case with the Roman Empire, who was said to be borrowing and readapting different deities from the conquered territories. Anyway, the new church is built in the same place where another one existed, and the old one stays at the feet of the newcomer. This approach to the history of religions is quite similar to the integrative approach in psychotherapy, but nonetheless one needs a strong foundation in order to integrate. I think that this foundation is created by acknowledging the best outcomes in any kind of therapy. In the middle, it is a tender and creative core, and then new layers are added, just like civilizations stem from some spiritual ground - I mean fertile, procreator, etc. - and then they link all the external facts with that center, as if it were an onion bulb growing bigger - one of my metaphors. By telling this I acknowledge that I found solace in reading and meditating on different core issues of my life and trying to form my own opinion about cultural aspects of human civilizations. I was alone, but I was in love with people and life itself and then I discovered the healing power of music. I know a recent story about a monk who lives alone in one monastery somewhere not too far from Europe. Then I was happy to find how much the system of languages is influential in our body and spirit and I found good insights - e.g. yesterday I found that the origin of the name of the Arch-angel Raphael means "God has healed" Even if this meaning will change, it is certain that the good core, the principle of it will stay the same, unchangeable, just like Plato's Ideas or Forms.

Besides all these, a very important healing power is the power of silence - for some people at least. This reminds us how, through Medieval times, some convents had the vow of silence, and it s known that in those times monasteries or convents were defending and passing the spiritual torch to future generations.

27. What touched you particularly strongly in the case-study “Ingrid” or in the case-study “Iris”?

What touched you particularly strongly in the case-study “Ingrid” or in the case-study “Iris”?

The case study Iris seems too elusive to me. I had been through existential trauma continuously my whole life and it is sometimes hard for me to fully understand why are successful people, with money to spend, with children and jobs and numerous relationships coming into therapy. Of course I am not drawing the wrong conclusions, and I can understand that for some people tiny difficulties can be harmful and deserving attention form a professional care-giver. The case of Ingrid is a little closer to my own life situation, thus I can relate to it more profoundly. Speaking also about myself I dare to say that I recently read in this course about healthy patterns of interacting with the social environment, such as volunteering for helping, working, doing something. I have been through this - and I felt the need to be a volunteer anywhere if possible, but I couldn't find anything and I was always rejected when I pledged for being accepted. By the way - the word "volunteer" is similar to the name of the city where I am living now. I am simply isolated, with no perspective to meet someone, at least at a very superficial level of relationship, because that would have been so good to me - and I know that I don't harm others, they simply did not give me any chance. Just like Iris, I wrote a journal about my daily misfortunes and I also wrote the entire story of my life and published them on the net. I have little more to add, and to correct all the old entries on my blog, in order to send the link wherever I can in my country or in other places, hoping to be eventually accepted at least a little for what I am and for my humble abilities, not because I was abused my whole life. I had to write everything about myself because I want to be alive, because of a few life-threatening circumstances and wrong or violent conduct from the medical staff, especially from different medical specialties, not from the part of psychiatrists, who were only keeping me inside the hospital or letting me out, rarely talking with me a few words. Only 7 years ago I started to write the story of my life in harsh conditions and with some "voices" in my head always saying that no one can believe the truth about me.

Compared with Iris, I was never dissociated, I never felt real danger to my soul, I always lived my life to its fullest, especially because I was treated with violence and indifference. As a reaction, being totally alone, I said to myself that the best philosophical standpoint is to be contented and grateful at the end of each day that I did at least the best I could, given the internal and external conditions of my being. I was always authentic and fully expressed, from head to toes, but if I were to be accepted, I would have certainly been a little less warm towards others and starting to conceal some parts of me. I would have never talked about my past sufferings or the way I was abused. That's how I behaved when I was in social superficial encounters, in school-time years or when I was a teacher myself for 2 years, I never shouted out the truth about me - only mere hints about it at times or when I was asked somehow. Now I can relate only to the little interpersonal experience that was left to me - like my mother, the only one in my life, or meeting a few street vendors, beggars, homeless people, people taking a walk in the park or virtual connections on the internet - these last relationships couldn't be satisfactory, because all of them refused to video-chat with me or to meet with me somewhere, as they always meet (the internet poets), or to talk a little with me on the phone. Thus I am alone since 1984, but I know that I was entirely able to relate with others normally and well. Only after 30 years of isolation (now it has been 36) one can perceive this as a life-threatening condition, having only books and internet free courses (for which I am really grateful) as relationships.

Ingrid's case resembles mine a little. Amid other things, she was sexually harassed (sexual advances) by her psychiatrists, and I was this kind of victim too, in relationship with a teacher. She was the object of physical and psychological violence a part of her life, just like me. What is different is that she was suffering partly because of her past, while all my concerns and real pain were about present and future. Maybe because I was very poor since childhood, I developed a kind of over-realistic attitude. But, in the name of the truth I say that I was something good and not a whining pig, sensing that it is sacrificed. I was and would have been always gentle and kind and my entire life I put the good above evil and my need to be altruistic is one of my central parts - I always was careful about the feelings and sufferance of others. Thank you form deep within for letting me write these monologues here, they are like a distant relationship and I am truly grateful and I will stop here my pledge for human rights. My greatest joys when I was a child were the moments when I could help others at least a little or to make gifts, etc. Please accept my apologies if the truth about my life made you feel uncomfortable.

28. More of a surprise was the exercise about biotipe. It is understood that people can usually imagine themselves as vegetable beings, because this suits better the guiding and the requirements of the exercise and the relaxed, yet focused, consciousness. There are maybe other factors - like the feelings of loneliness of the clients or being rooted - children may choose for example, I don't know, mammals or birds. I chose a tree and then a bird.

What was special to me in that exercise is that it made me realize that I need to now more about biology as a whole, because otherwise my knowledge about biological kingdoms refers to old and shattered memories from primary school of from high school. Or it is linked with some kind of mystical abandonment in and identification with the whole of nature, which brings again the vegetable beings in relation to the human afterlife, as it is customary.

And about feeling at home, I realized again how big do seem houses and some objects within them and how little are they after years for the grownups. Another fact that I was not entirely aware until now is the effect upon one's unconscious or even collective unconscious of the surface one's country comprises. When I was a child both time and space were bigger, my life was fresh and new. Now a distance to some 200 km away seems a short one and my country seems a little too small to my eyes now. Thus I realized how different may be the sense of distance and time in countries even smaller than mine. And the subsequent effect on the unconscious. Apart from these two factors analysis, (age of the subject and surface area of his country) I may introduce another one - the density of population. Like this the picture will maybe reveal different experiences of space and time around the world. My hypothesis is that the human factor stays as a replacement for space and the perception of space is enriched with the characteristic of belonging to some place, a home, and this might affect the whole social psychology in different communities. When homes are scattered, one feels more home-intimacy, because of the limits or boundaries.

29. I have been through this course day after day and it took me 19 days as it is written -- I have only a few articles unread and maybe I will come back to them in order to read them. My perception of this time was that it was a shorter period, which is a good thing, because I felt busier all the time. In this period of my life words and wordplay are a continuum, a flow, like it was this experience described earlier in this course. Sometimes it is something joyful to discover a good and meaningful wordy connection. It was a course about existential well being. But is more difficult to exist if we think about being objective and spectate our bodily processes or minds from the ex-terior, from another point of reference. Sometimes one needs only to be, not to exist. Or to let it be. We are living beings. Leaving beings, grateful of having been traveled throughout many wonders and encounters with others and with oneself. I thank everyone for this relief made possible by taking this course at the dawn of fall 2020, where leafy beings show a variety of responses to colder weather. Wishing everyone the very best of his own new autumn experience. Maybe many people can rich an existential level of happiness with or without guidance.

I used here the word existence as being alive, but on the exterior of one's self, transcending his self. But this is possible only at the spiritual level of self-integration. Happiness can mean a fruitful existence by fully living in the context, not necessarily being accomplished on the spiritual level, but being good and feeling good and genuine. Like I wrote in the beginning of this course - the here presented eudaimonic point of view - I think I will always be a combination of stoicism/existentialism and epicureanism. The focus of this course was on focusing techniques and a kind of self-awareness, which can be coherent with happiness/well-being as I see it.