21 iunie 2016

Câteodată scriu adevărul direct în engleză, am și bloguri în engleză, dar prioritatea mea sunt cele în română. Puteți traduce dvs ce am scris mai jos...era ceva frumos, cum au fost toate lucrurile din viața mea, ceilalți au fost ceea ce e rău sau urât. Azi au intrat din nou peste mintea mea cu ideea lor repetată: ”Cristina, faptul că tu nu ai greșit nimic nu îți dă dreptul să spui adevărul”. Ei îmi repetă această propoziție în română. Vedeți cât sunt de porci? Tot ei spun că în România numai copiii au dreptul să spună adevărul. Și repetă din nou ”Foarte bine i-au făcut!”, ca și cum oamenii răi se bucură că îmi fac mie rău, deși nu am greșit nimic toată viața
It is the law of life or the law of existence -- if you bestow a little peace upon a human creature like I was, naturally and inevitably it blooms -- maybe you don't get the meaning of what I say, maybe you are like many others against human potential or beauty&wisdom according to the human fate's surrendering people, but I always felt like a flower -- the same feeling of wholeness and light without anything wrong or dark or evil or proud. Only that calmness and peace, that feeling that skies are pure, that stars are the real power, whoever sees them....I know that you can call that bliss or insanity and no one respects those like this and very few understand. I will share with you a part of my experience: I had this feeling when I was 18 and then they crushed me into pieces. But the seed did not die. It was pure good and happiness. I was restored in 2005-2006 at a higher level of interior peace and wisdom by chance. I walked into the city and saw an old and poor mansion with its walls embraced by vines and grapevines not picked in autumn, mummified grapes and on the same street, nearby -- a kindergarten with a tall tree (I forgot the species) in the yard. That precise moment I felt that I understood and I was a whole again. I was around 35 years of age, almost reborn after so many years and I expressed my feelings of awe in my journal back then, I still have it written down. Then someone entered my mind with the ugly thought that that's exactly what they tried to avoid, and that I ruined their plans .... and then so many years of an orgy of evil and massacre upon my body&soul happened starting with 2005-2006, exploding in 2007 and followed by evil day and night afterwards. I was only a flower, not even carnivorous. Maybe you know that tale about the dream to be forever young and immortal....in my country it was a story about an emperor's son...thanks God I never dreamed of that...I never wished something for myself, apart from having a child, but for the child's sake. There are people repeating me since 2005 that I lost everything, but the truth is that I lost everything the moment I was conceived in my mother's womb -- or never. I had nothing of my own and only torture continuously since 1984 when I was 13 and I was totally imprisoned since then, so I could not have lost a thing, I was a woman in chains and under whip, a soul filled with altruistic feelings, so they stole everything forcefully while I had no rights at all. Regardless of others' fight and devilry around me, I believe that my suicide would not have helped the good ones survive or bring something good to others. I repeat, I am and essentially I always was a human fate surrendering person. I was contemplating this beautiful world since I was a child and my attitude was pure and good and of course I loved peace and goodness --- I never uttered thoughts in my own mind, like they said that evil people did around me, in order to fool others that I was evil or insane or stupid. I simply offered others goodness and purity and love and maybe sometimes beauty, without dreaming of fame or money or anything else.....I was not a titan, I was not titanic, I never stole something from Gods, etc. Poverty and misfortune combined with higher education and natural law observance and goodness education always leads to this result in women in my humble opinion.